BLAME IT ON LOOKS

Most good looking guys find it difficult to get women to trust them. Sarah Salvadore delves into the psyche

You see this amazingly good looking guy at the club. He immediately catches your attention. But the next moment, you are busy looking the other way. There are these warning signals that go off in your head which says, ‘Girl, this is not the guy’. Do handsome hunks have this effect on you? No need to be alarmed. There is nothing wrong with you. This is how most women react. Good looking guys are definitely eye candy, but nothing more than that. The fairer sex can’t get themselves to trust a dude. Blame it on the looks.

Twenty-five-year old Pallavi G is one such woman who feels uncomfortable in the presence of a good looking man. “It’s not that I get butterflies in my stomach. It’s just that if a man is too good looking, then I somehow feel that he has a roving eye and is just not boyfriend material,” she says. Women in general are wary of hunks. The common perception is that guys like them are more likely to cheat and that they are mostly interested in one night stands. “I have had experiences wherein my boyfriend, who was a stunner, would cheat on me without my knowledge,” says 26-year-old Sejal Seth. “While he was busy enjoying his sexcapades, I was busy feeling lucky to have such a good looking guy,” adds Seth.

But this is not the case most of the times. A good looking guy can be very faithful in his relationship. But the general perception about such men often works against them. “I had a tough time convincing my girlfriend that I was actually in love with her and wanted to have a serious relationship,” says 24-year-old Rustam Yadu. “But she always thought I was not serious. She agreed after I chased her for a year,” he says laughing.

Most women feel, that men with good looks try to make the most of it. “Even if they are not serious they would do anything to get the woman they want. That includes even lying,” says Seth. But not all views are just based on perception. Some have a lot to do with personal experience. “I can never trust a good looking man,” says 21-year-old Abha Suryavanshi. “I guess most of them know that they are good looking and take advantage of that. And no, I’m not guessing. I’m saying it out of personal experience,” she adds. Women feel strongly that a man’s flirtatious nature has a lot to do with his looks. When they know they can’t get someone, they don’t mind at all because they turn to the next! The general attitude of a good looking man is that if he can’t get a woman laid on the first or second date, he drops them like a hot potato. Pallavi G feels that guys who hold out on a few dates are worth investing time in. That’s because they are there to enjoy your company and not to see how good you are in the sack. And with good looking men, it’s just the opposite. They don’t have the time and patience to invest on a single girl. Actor Barkha Bisht feels that men always want to be popular. “Having many women around them is one of the ways of being popular. And if the guy is good looking, then that’s the icing on the cake!” opines Barkha.

Psychologist Pooja Chatterjee is of the view that the main reason why most women can’t get themselves to trust a good looking man is because they are insecure. “As far as looks are concerned, when a man is better looking than his counterpart, she begins to feel that he may be attracted to another woman very soon,” says Chatterjee. Another reason being that as human beings all of us suffer from an inferiority complex. When a woman does not have the capacity to own up to her shortcomings, she channelises the blame on the man’s looks! “It can be commitment phobia which could also drive a woman to tell a man that she can’t trust him because he is good looking!”, Chatterjee opines.

The only way to build trust in your man, is one thought at a time, one action at a time and one experience at a time. So ask yourself if the man you are with has given you a thought, action or experience to break that trust. If he hasn’t then you need to accept the possibility that you are using your past experiences as an excuse to keep yourself closed off and safe. After all, you have good reasons, right?

The choice is entirely yours. Either stay buried in the rubble of past hurt, rejection, and doubt or let it go and give the actual experiences of your life a chance to build a new idea of what love can be. You never know, you may end up having a wonderful relationship with the man most women want to be seen around with. But on the other hand, if he has not given you enough reasons to trust him, then just fuh-get about it darling.